


Stalled

by Inell



Series: Two Men and a Motorbike [9]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 15:27:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/420391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inell/pseuds/Inell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The morning after the night before</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stalled

The heat from the shower feels good on his aching muscles. Jim isn’t sure that a hangover wouldn’t be an improvement on the soreness that his midnight exercise marathon has caused. Next time he finds out that his best friend basically used him for sex, he’ll probably just get drunk. Not that he plans to ever let this happen again. This is one reason why he never gets too close to the women that he has sex with, not that Bones is a woman. Far from it, which is probably part of the problem. Experimenting. Right. Because sucking cock certainly isn’t the same as licking cunt.

It’s strange that he didn’t feel angry at first. There was shock and hurt and a need to do something to get even for how Bones made him feel, but it was never anger. That came this morning when he woke up. He keeps replaying their conversation from the bathroom, wishing that he’d punched Bones in the mouth when he was going on about Jim being a kid who didn’t know anything. He still wants to punch him, just to do _something_ because all he did was run away. He feels like a coward, like he just let Bones decide what was going to happen, because he did. What he wants never came into it, yet Bones calls him the selfish one?

The problem is that he can’t have what he wants. No, that’s not right. He doesn’t even really know what he wants. Well, besides Bones. That’s what he can’t have, which seems to make him want it even more. He tilts his head back and closes his eyes, letting the water spray over his face. It’s hard to believe that it’s only been a couple of weeks since everything changed. Back then, he can remember being okay with just that one time, so long as they were still best friends. He could have dealt with it, even if he might not have liked forgetting about it in order to preserve their friendship.

Now, though, he can’t see any way to go back to how he was then. Such a short time, but things have changed. Hell, maybe he’s even changed. He can’t forget it, can’t slide back into being just friends like they were never anything more, can’t ignore the fact that he feels enough towards Bones to have sex with a man without freaking out, even a little. It’s not like he’s ever been interested in other men, and he thinks that maybe he’d want Bones whether he was a man, woman, or alien life form. Maybe not if he had tentacles, since that’d probably tickle.

“Damn it,” he mutters when he feels his cock start to stir. It sure as hell better not be the tentacles thing because he refuses to believe that he’s _that_ perverse. It’s probably from the image him having sex with both Bones and a female version, because he knows that a female Bones would have to be fit and gorgeous in that rough sexy way that Bones is. Jim stops thinking about that because he refuses to jerk off to thoughts of the man who quite clearly doesn’t want him.

He reaches for the bottle of shampoo and squeezes some into his hand. After he lathers his hair, he tilts his head back again. Maybe he should go away for a while? He can just pack a bag, get on Jessica, and ride until he feels like stopping. That idea appeals to the restless spirit inside, but it’s not really possible. Not when Pike seems to think the Federation is making decisions about appointments soon. He wants his ship back, since it’s clearly his even if he was only captain briefly, so he can’t fuck this up. Even if he doesn’t get it back yet, maybe he can make a good impression and get something else until the Enterprise is his again.

His cock is still half-hard, so he reaches down and begins to stroke it. He keeps his eyes closed and thinks about past exploits, trying to remember beautiful faces and nice tits that will keep him focused until he can finally come. He tried this last night in an attempt to relax so he could sleep, but it didn’t work because he kept thinking about Bones. Bones naked and spread out, erect and waiting with a smirk on his lips because he knows just how much Jim wants him. Jim groans as that image comes to mind, and he licks his lips as he moves his hand.

Despite knowing that he needs to stop, that he needs to think of someone else, he can’t. He puts his palm against the wall of his shower and leans forward, stroking faster as he imagines Bones in there with him, sucking his cock to apologize for being such an asshole last night. Yeah, that one works too well. His hips are moving forward, almost like he’s not in control of them anymore. The water’s getting cooler, but he barely notices because he’s lost in his fantasy of punishing Bones for hurting him last night.

When he comes, his body arches forward, and he nearly slips. He manages to keep his balance, but his heart is racing even faster than before. The shower’s spray washes come from his hand as he lets go of his spent cock. Instead of feeling sated, he just feels frustrated and discontent. There’s no way that he’s going to become celibate, so he really needs to work past this issue of only wanting Bones. Why can’t his body accept the reality of the situation?

After turning off the shower, he steps out and gets a towel. It’s easy to blame his body, but it’s not like his mind is any help. He doesn’t understand why he can’t just let go. He’s done it dozens of times, more times than he can count. Why is this so different? Sure, it’s Bones. It’s his best friend. That makes it more, but Bones doesn’t want him. He rejected him last night, called him a kid and insinuated that it was nothing more than a game, like Jim is going to fuck up their friendship for a piece of ass, no matter how good it is, and he doesn’t understand why Bones thinks he’d take that risk, no matter how reckless he can be. It’s infuriating, in a way, because Jim’s been rejected before, at least once or twice, but it never felt like this.

He finishes drying off and puts the towel around his neck as he leaves the bathroom and goes to the area that he calls ‘the kitchen’. It’s just a mini-fridge by the food port, but it works well enough for his more basic needs. The cool air from the refrigerator causes goosebumps to appear on his bare skin as he reaches inside for the bottle of milk. He pops the lid off with his thumb and takes a drink before he sits on his bed.

It’s Sunday, and he has no idea how to spend his day. What’s he supposed to do after being dumped? Can he call it breaking up when they weren’t even together in that kind of way? What’s he supposed to call ending a casual sex thing with his best friend? He doesn’t have any answers to those kinds of questions. It’s another reason that one night stands are the best. There’s no question about terminology or definition. He wishes he had answers, though, because this is all just messed up. He also doesn’t know why it hurts this bad if it was just casual.

Bones probably knows what to call it. He’s been married, after all, so there has to be some kind of knowledge gained from that. Jim groans when he realizes that he’s thinking about Bones again; like he’s been able to stop in the last fourteen hours anyway. He puts the bottle of milk down and stands up, stretching to try to work out some of the soreness in his back and legs. Next time he exercises, it’s not going to be for nearly three hours and includes a five mile run.

He gets a clean pair of boxers and notices that the drawer is nearly empty. Damn it. He has to do laundry. Not now, though. Later. Of course, he’s been saying ‘later’ since before he went into space, but he’ll get to it eventually. He always does, usually when he’s down to a clean pair of socks and underwear. When he becomes captain, he’s going to never do laundry again. He doesn’t care that it really doesn’t take much to do it; he just dislikes it on principle.

Once he’s dressed, he decides to take Jess for a ride. Maybe he’ll be able to come up with a good way to distract himself from thinking about Bones and all the mixed up mess between them by the time he finishes riding. As he walks downstairs, he thinks about last night for what has to be the hundredth time since it happened. It’s impossible not to think of things he should have said or done instead of how he really reacted. He almost wishes that there were a way to go back in time that didn’t involve black holes or technology more advanced than anything created yet, since he figures someone will eventually invent a time traveling device.

If he could go back in time, he could tell himself not to go to pick up Bones that night. None of this would have happened if Bones hadn’t made that first move. An experiment, he claims, because Jim needed it. While Jim knows that he loves sex, he doesn’t really remember giving off any desperate ‘fuck me’ vibes that night. He’d just needed to be around his best friend, to feel that calming presence of Bones. Bones is wrong about that, and doesn’t seem to know any more about what Jim wants than he accuses Jim of knowing. The big problem is that, really, he knows that he actually wouldn’t change anything that happened that night. It might not have meant anything to Bones, if he was telling the truth last night, but it meant something to Jim.

That’s what he should have said last night. Then, he should have punched Bones. When he steps outside, he considers it. It might be a delayed reaction, but there’s no rule that says he can’t just go over and punch Bones now. It might make him feel better, even if it doesn’t help. Hell, it’d probably make things worse, since Bones was talking about still being friends. Jim doesn’t know how that’s supposed to work, though, when Bones was ignoring him and acting weird before they even talked about it. The frustration is building and not a good combination with the lingering anger.

Before he can talk himself out of it, he drives Jessica over to Bones’ dorm. He parks in the spot by Bones’ room and looks through the window. Instead of going in and throwing the punch, he just sits there staring. Everything that he’s thought about saying seems to have left his mind now that he’s here. He lets out a shaky breath and drags his hand over his face. It’s stupid to have come here. Fighting with Bones isn’t going to do anything except satisfy Jim’s need to hurt him, only it’d be physically instead of inside like he got hurt.

When he lowers his hand, he notices movement in Bones’ window. He tenses as he sees Bones standing there, looking at him. Their eyes meet, and Jim feels too many things all at once. It’s overwhelming and scary. He looks away first, revving Jessica’s engine before he drives away. The anger is faded now. That fast, just from a look, and he’s aching again in that horrible way that he felt all night. He hates this, hates Bones for making him feel like this, hates himself for letting it happen.

He drives aimlessly, destination anywhere. When he realizes that he’s driven to the edge of the campus, he looks towards the fenced off area and considers his options. While it _is_ a secure area, there aren’t any guards, so it obviously isn’t being watched that closely. He can hack into the computer system easily enough if that’s what they’ve got monitoring it. It’s been a few weeks since he’s done anything that reckless, except for the thing that he’s refusing to think about with the person he doesn’t want to think about. Real mature, he knows, but he’s earned the right to be childish about it, hasn’t he? Today’s as good a day as any to break a few rules. Nothing that’d get him knocked out of consideration for a good assignment, since he’s not that stupid, but it’ll still be fun.

There’s a place to park Jessica that’s out of sight, so he goes there and makes sure that she’s hidden from view before he scopes the entrance. It doesn’t look like they have anything securing the area besides the fence, which is probably wired into something. The gate isn’t, though, so maybe he can find a way around that. Half the fun is the challenge, after all. It’s actually disappointing when he realizes that the gate isn’t latched. Someone is obviously not doing their job, which has ruined his plans to be daring. There’s nothing that dangerous about walking through an open gate. Of course, there’s also nothing illegal about it, either, so that’s a plus.

When he’s inside the dry dock, he just stops and stares. He can’t really believe that something as massive as the Enterprise can actually be on the ground like this. It doesn’t matter that it was built on Earth or that it was on the ground until just a few weeks ago. What matters is that this is his ship, and it doesn’t belong down here. It needs to be back in space, just like he does. They’re two of a kind that way. They’re both stuck here, for now: her because the damage done to the engineering section was too great to fix in orbit, and him because there’s too much red tape and bureaucracy in the Federation for anything to be done quickly. Of course, without her, he wouldn’t have anywhere to go anyway.

He scans the area to make sure that no one is around before he sneaks into the ship. It’s like coming home, which doesn’t make much sense when he wasn’t even there for that long. Of course, if there’s one thing he’s learned in his life, it’s that things rarely make sense, even if they should. He thinks up excuses to give if he happens to get caught, deciding that he can play dumb just this once and it shouldn’t matter. He’s a hero, after all, so surely they can look the other way if he claims to have left something on board.

As he walks past the med bay, he stops and looks inside, surveying the damage that’s being repaired. Bones nearly died here. His commander _did_ die, so it was too close. If Bones had died, he doesn’t know what he’d have done. He doesn’t want to think about that now, doesn’t want to think about Bones, so he turns away from the room and keeps walking. 

When he finally reaches the bridge, he slowly starts to smile. “My chair,” he whispers as he walks over and sits down. He leans back and closes his eyes, feeling slightly content for the first time all day. Being here now, he knows without a doubt that this is where he belongs.

End


End file.
